so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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