Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
