ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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