I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
