peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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