I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
