im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize