Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
