Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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