I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This is my gift to your gina
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
