The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
