You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
