Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
