We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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