We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
