Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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