he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Mom said you looked used
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
