Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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