I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Randomize
