he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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