well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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