You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
