My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
