She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
