At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
