I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
