Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
