Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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