You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
