BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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