Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
