I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
