I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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