If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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