Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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