You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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