is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Someone came in the potted fern
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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