I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
