you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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