he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
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Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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