who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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