Pappa wants mamma naked
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
