youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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