if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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