who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
