the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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