that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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