Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
