I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
