I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
