Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
