You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
