what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
