there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
