she was so not down for the gang bang
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
