Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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