i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
