WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
