I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Green mimosas i think yes
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
