I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
