ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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