I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
