i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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