i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize