i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
