in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
