Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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