How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
